(Washington) - The FDA today announced that it has reclassified chocolate as a vitamin.
A spokesperson for the Food and Druggie Administration further clarified, "All chocolate, in all forms, has been reclassified as a vitamin. Dark chocolate, light chocolate, white chocolate, milk chocolate, mocha, cocoa, chocolate covered cherries, chocolate cake, fudge brownies, Hershey's kisses, chocolate bars, chocolate chip cookies ... anything with chocolate in it ... is now a vitamin."
Women throughout the U.S. were thrilled with the new classification. One women at the Mall of America, in Minnesota, screamed, "Wow! This is terrific news for me, I'm a choc-o-holic! Excuse me, I gotta go take my vitamins!"
Health care professionals and nutritionists were a bit perplexed by the government's reclassification while a spokesperson for the Binge-On-Chocolate Association, Lotta Pounds, proclaimed, "We're thrilled! Excuse me, I gotta go stuff myself with chocolate ice cream vitamins"
Pharmacies and drug stores across the nation were also thrilled and scrambled to move all chocolate items from the candy section to the vitamin section.
On the downside, now that chocolate is officially a vitamin, consumers should expect to pay substantially higher prices for the product.
Welcome to America.
This is fake news. I wrote this fake news story in 2007. It was published on the satirical news site, The Spoof, and I am reprinting it here, because it's funny, and may even become true.
